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Chelsea Werner-Jatzke

Sports Center



As a football fan she is fickle. Look, she missed Saturday night football, again. Come down to it, she could give a shit about college ball. But this strange thing happened—she loves to throw a football. There’s only so much football she can watch before she needs to throw the football.


But it must be NFL, which, like college ball, is full of babies. Russell Wilson: a baby. Andrew Luck: little baby. Mark Sanchez? Just a babe. Also, the reason she gave away her Jets shirt. Even though they were her first team and she learned to love in that shirt. Her love gave her that shirt, even though her love didn’t like that she liked the Jets. Didn’t like that she called them her own though she’d done nothing to claim them and didn’t like why she liked them (i.e.; Sanchez is a babe). And her love wouldn’t like that she gave the shirt away, so sudden, after that Thanksgiving butt fumble.


It’s been a year since that fumble. Now she uses possessive pronouns referring to the Seahawks watching Saturday night highlights with strangers. Eating nachos alone at the bar she is at her best. But still disappointed—she will never eat all these nachos alone and people are not like her, people will refuse her leftovers. And nachos don’t keep.


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